Then someone got me thinking about why I did it. I’d been so engrossed in hating myself for doing it, that I’d not thought about why I did it. This person helped me dig down through my motives. The things that were really making me do it. My needs were genuine, but the ways of meeting those needs that I had believed in were producing more bad results than good. In short, they where lies. As soon as I told my friend about them I knew that. But before they’d helped me bring them out in the open, I’d never thought about them.

If there was no better way of meeting my needs I would have been stuck. But I do have something better. I have a God who meets my needs. As I’ve chosen to believe that I’ve actually been able to stop the things I hated doing. And slowly I can see that that God is meeting my deepest needs. I still have to work at reminding myself that because life is often uncomfortable. But I’m freer now than I’ve ever been.